Gifts

This is such a random post. I suddenly have this  whiff of inspiration that might soon go out the window-so here:

I was brainstorming on a personal project and I had a really random thought-about the power of gifts-intangible abstract gifts. How often do we give people something(no matter how little)that  are intangible gifts?  We often think of the tangible and the material when we think of what we can get from people and from what life has to offer.I’ve come to a point in my life where financial security and independence are the most important priorities right now,and I find myself obsessing over avenues to create wealth. That isn’t  a bad thing, but sometimes I think “oh if I get money, I’ll buy more clothes,shoes,makeup etc” and THAT gnaws at me sometimes,the fact that I want more than what I currently have-I mean more TANGIBLE stuff. And because I often have a slight obsession with that-I miss the fleeting gifts that God offers me ,gifts so beautiful and so ethereal that if I’m not paying attention,I miss them so easily.The gift of life, family and friends are wonderful ,but what about those that are just here for a moment?

Last year, I lost one of my best friends to a car accident,and as the date of her anniversary draws near, I find myself entering a place of ugliness and bitterness.And now I know that I can turn that into a time to thank God for the beautiful gift of friendship that I shared with her and cherish everything she taught me. I am also at a point where I often feel spasms of insecurity and fear about my career path and what I’m going to “do with my life”. But I know that hidden within that sense of deep uncertainty and fear,are grit and ambition,and that whatever happens, I will always have the basic survival starter pack to thrive that no one can take from me.

Often, I also feel a sense of loneliness, the kind of shocking loneliness that recent college grads experience( well at least in my context,especially if you’re not around “home”) that no one warns you about; and in these moments of loneliness I have anxiety about making new friends, adulting 101,the “next steps”,relationships,people…life. But I never focus on the presence of what I do have around me now-Each encounter,no matter how sparse, how brief,how awkward,how beautiful,how awful,has something to teach us,and those lessons are actually a gifts.Interesting characters I  encounter on public buses, a brief moment of inspiration to pen down a poem, absolute silence so I can create,health, being able to hear a beautiful love story (I read Paulo Coelho’s “Brida” last week and cried angry happy tears because I had ALL the feels),listening to a Whatsapp voice note from my mummy … those are some of the beautiful gifts I want to stop overlooking. I hope I can work towards having  more grateful heart,thankful for God’s beautiful ethereal gifts…

Aaaand…there goes my whiff of inspiration.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. debby000 says:

    Thanks for sharing. I’m still in the University but I get anxiety over adult 101 too. Someone once said the loneliest thing about loneliness is the obligation to hide it. We all get lonely. I love this part ” I will always have the basic survival starter pack to thrive that no
    one can take from me.” yes!

    Like

    1. ngozicole says:

      thanks for reading! I’m happy you could relate to it xo

      Liked by 1 person

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